Perfect Gifts for the Triple Ho’s

You know your guilty of it.  Every time the Holiday’s roll around the big questions gets asked, “What do you want this year”… and you reply with some stupid passive response like “I need some work clothes”“Gift cards are great” or roll the dice with “I don’t know”.

The reality is you couldn’t possibly tell Nana you really want a gift card to the Mustang Ranch in Nevada, One of those life-size silicone sex dolls or a year prescription to doublesideddildos.com.  Well, during our last WGUB meeting we did a quick round-table discussing all of the gifts we really want this ChristHannakwanza.

And here they are in a list we like to call the…

“Perfect Gifts for the Triple Ho’s”:

  1. Queen Elsa’s frozen pocket vagina
  2. Teenage Mutant Horny Teenager Ninja tissues & lotion
  3. Black Friday anal cream and pain reliever
  4. Winter Wonderland do-it-yourself beginner cocaine kit
  5. Jingle Bells ass-less Santa suit
  6. Dora the explorer anal beads
  7. Mighty Morphing Power Ranger Meth Chem kit
  8. Scooby Doo-Doo yard clean-up tools
  9. Denver Broncos Mile high hydroponic starter
  10. The inappropriate touching Elmo doll
  11. Stretch Armstrong with ball-gag attachment.
  12. Pokemon french tickler. Get them all.
  13. World of Warcraft s&m expansion pack.
  14. My Little Pocket Pussy Pony
  15. GI Blow Joe
  16. Easy Baked oven pot brownie maker
  17. Jerry Garcia psychedelic paint by numbers, complete with LSD home chemistry kit
  18. Little Einsteins home-made plan b kit
  19. Oh Holy night crotchless panties
  20. Call of duty: modern redneck II
  21. Xbox One (One, as in you’ll be alone forever)
  22. Operation: San Francisco edition
  23. The Travelocity Garden Gnome butt plug
  24. Dildo the Reindeer. (He’s at the back of pack.)
  25. Dashboard gaydar detector. Brought to you by Tinder, the Gap and Trojan lubricated anal condoms.
  26. Real World 14: Sierra Leone; the 4 episode series on DVD (spoiler, they all die from Ebola in episode 3)
  27. Little Suzie Gynecologist doll complete with lube and Pap-Smear tools
  28. Harry Houdini fuzzy handcuffs
  29. Chow Lin’s homemade Nike kit.
  30. “Taste like chicken” cat & dog cookbook
  31. Heisenberg chemistry for beginners

What did we forget?

Jimmy Fallon’s 16 Best “Tonight Show” Moments of 2014

Let’s just say it how it is, Jimmy Fallon may be the funniest host of the Tonight Show ever!  Okay, okay… we may get some flack for that comment, but in my opinion home-skillet is totally destroying it (in a good way)!!!  He’s consistently going viral with his funny-as-hell skits, interviews and set clips… renewing the Tonight Show franchise as something relevant for the new generation of TV (or in our case, Hulu) watchers… and bottom line, making an interview show cool again.  Whether you’re 20 or 55 he creates laugh-out-loud (real mean don’t “LOL”) moments in nearly every show… and for those reasons we’re calling Jimmy Fallon the man who saved Late Night!

Which, of course, earns him the highlighted feature:

“Jimmy Fallon’s 15 Best Moments of 2014″ (in no particular order)

1. – Brian Williams Raps “Rapper’s Delight”

2. – Kevin Bacon’s Footloose Entrance

3. – Lip Sync Battle with Paul Rudd

4. – Jimmy and Kevin Hart Ride a Roller Coaster

5. – “Evolution of Hip-Hop Dancing” (w/ Jimmy Fallon & Will Smith)

6. – Daniel Radcliffe Raps Blackalicious’ “Alphabet Aerobics”

7. – Lip Sync Battle with Emma Stone

8. – Wheel of Musical Impressions with Adam Levine

9. – “Breakdance Conversation” with Jimmy Fallon & Brad Pitt

10. – The Ragtime Gals: “SexyBack” (w/ Jimmy Fallon & Justin Timberlake)

11. – Box of Lies with Jennifer Lawrence

12. – Jimmy Fallon, Carly Rae Jepsen & The Roots Sing “Call Me Maybe” (w/ Classroom Instruments)

13. – Real People, Fake Arms with Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels

14. – Bradley Cooper and Jimmy Can’t Stop Laughing

15. – Ryan Lewis Asks Music Fans About Ryan Lewis

16. – Jimmy Fallon and Channing Tatum Arm Wrestle

Happy Dewey Decimal Day!

As if you thought we would forget, please let us be the first to wish you a very happy Dewey Decimal Day!  We hope that you got the invitation to our party celebrating the birthday of Melvil Dewey, who invented the Dewey Decimal system that is used by libraries.  What’s a library?  Back in the day city governments set up large meccas to printed books.  I know kids, seems so old-fashioned right?  All the dust, the books smelling like your grandma, and that bitchy librarian telling you to be quiet all the time.

So in honor of the day, put down the Kindle or Ipad and pick up one of those things with two covers and a bunch of paper in them.

“The only true equalisers in the world are books; the only treasure-house open to all comers is a library; the only wealth which will not decay is knowledge; the only jewel which you can carry beyond the grave is wisdom.”  (J.A. Langford)

Best. Resume. Booster. EVER!

Whether you’re trying to land the perfect job for your skill-set or are 25yrs into a lifer career, we have what may be considered the resume booster of a life-time!  Yes, it’s a promotional gimmick… but it just may be the best promotional gimmick we have EVER seen.

The video below explains it all, but the elevator pitch version is this… Grand Prize is Liam Frickin Neeson creating a video detailing YOUR unique set of special skills to share with the world.  I want to make sure you understood that.  LIAM NEESON WILL RECORD A VIDEO FOR YOU, TELLING THE WORLD ABOUT YOUR SKILLS.  I’m beyond words at this point.  Just Watch (and then get your ass over to the page and enter):

 

When 2 Awesomes Combine…

It’s hard to know just how this piece of cinematic brilliance came into being… but my Christmas just got a whole hell of a lot better after seeing it!  Hell, I want to re-watch every classic Christmas TV special now and imagine what I can mix… Die Hard and Rudolph?  Goonies and Jack Frost?  The opportunities are endless!  For the time being though… enjoy “Elf Boot Camp” (sound from full metal jacket set to elf video)