Perfect Gifts for the Triple Ho’s

You know your guilty of it.  Every time the Holiday’s roll around the big questions gets asked, “What do you want this year”… and you reply with some stupid passive response like “I need some work clothes”“Gift cards are great” or roll the dice with “I don’t know”.

The reality is you couldn’t possibly tell Nana you really want a gift card to the Mustang Ranch in Nevada, One of those life-size silicone sex dolls or a year prescription to  Well, during our last WGUB meeting we did a quick round-table discussing all of the gifts we really want this ChristHannakwanza.

And here they are in a list we like to call the…

“Perfect Gifts for the Triple Ho’s”:

  1. Queen Elsa’s frozen pocket vagina
  2. Teenage Mutant Horny Teenager Ninja tissues & lotion
  3. Black Friday anal cream and pain reliever
  4. Yearly Subscription from a coursework writing service
  5. Winter Wonderland do-it-yourself beginner cocaine kit
  6. Jingle Bells ass-less Santa suit
  7. Dora the explorer anal beads
  8. Mighty Morphing Power Ranger Meth Chem kit
  9. Scooby Doo-Doo yard clean-up tools
  10. Denver Broncos Mile high hydroponic starter
  11. The inappropriate touching Elmo doll
  12. Stretch Armstrong with ball-gag attachment.
  13. Pokemon french tickler. Get them all.
  14. World of Warcraft s&m expansion pack.
  15. My Little Pocket Pussy Pony
  16. GI Blow Joe
  17. Easy Baked oven pot brownie maker
  18. Jerry Garcia psychedelic paint by numbers, complete with LSD home chemistry kit
  19. Little Einsteins home-made plan b kit
  20. Oh Holy night crotchless panties
  21. Call of duty: modern redneck II
  22. Xbox One (One, as in you’ll be alone forever)
  23. Operation: San Francisco edition
  24. The Travelocity Garden Gnome butt plug
  25. Dildo the Reindeer. (He’s at the back of pack.)
  26. Dashboard gaydar detector. Brought to you by Tinder, the Gap and Trojan lubricated anal condoms.
  27. Real World 14: Sierra Leone; the 4 episode series on DVD (spoiler, they all die from Ebola in episode 3)
  28. Little Suzie Gynecologist doll complete with lube and Pap-Smear tools
  29. Harry Houdini fuzzy handcuffs
  30. Chow Lin’s homemade Nike kit.
  31. “Taste like chicken” cat & dog cookbook
  32. Heisenberg chemistry for beginners

What did we forget?

Happy Dewey Decimal Day!

As if you thought we would forget, please let us be the first to wish you a very happy Dewey Decimal Day!  We hope that you got the invitation to our party celebrating the birthday of Melvil Dewey, who invented the Dewey Decimal system that is used by libraries.  What’s a library?  Back in the day city governments set up large meccas to printed books.  I know kids, seems so old-fashioned right?  All the dust, the books smelling like your grandma, and that bitchy librarian telling you to be quiet all the time.

So in honor of the day, put down the Kindle or Ipad and pick up one of those things with two covers and a bunch of paper in them.

“The only true equalisers in the world are books; the only treasure-house open to all comers is a library; the only wealth which will not decay is knowledge; the only jewel which you can carry beyond the grave is wisdom.”  (J.A. Langford)

When 2 Awesomes Combine…

It’s hard to know just how this piece of cinematic brilliance came into being… but my Christmas just got a whole hell of a lot better after seeing it!  Hell, I want to re-watch every classic Christmas TV special now and imagine what I can mix… Die Hard and Rudolph?  Goonies and Jack Frost?  The opportunities are endless!  For the time being though… enjoy “Elf Boot Camp” (sound from full metal jacket set to elf video)